You’re shitting me, that is what the response was, and lets face it when that is the first thing you year, you sort of wonder what the beginning of the conversation was all about do you?
I mean its that sort of phrase, “You are shitting me”
Holy fuck, what the hell could he have just been told?
Well, I shit you knot my friends, Pigs Fly, and that was one that just went by.
Yes, its true and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and if they do you just come and tell me and I will set them straight, and give them the directions to the farm.
We all know pig shit, its one of those facts of life, I will tell you another little often held quiet secret too, we all shit, even you the reader, yeah, but do you talk about it, do you tell your friends you just had to pay some pipe that was worth a second look? No, you don’t but pigs do, they are proud of it and they are clean, when when they are rolling around in their own shit, but as everyone knows, there are certain things that can be gained from shit, and the gasses that are produced and if not kept or vented, well, maybe you can guess where this is going.
It was a cold day, but as often is the case, you find yourself in a tree with binoculars looking through windows with the camera all setup ready to take a few snaps, its the sort of things PIs do you know, its not always hookers and porn, well saying that sometimes it is, but still, the odd run around wife, or cross dressing husband can mean you need to climb a tree, and in this case it was a popular, not bad for sitting if but a little cramped.
Hey, gotta love those who never draw the curtains, it makes the job so much easier, if a little hard on the eyes, those colors didn’t match and who the hell has a neon pink whip!
Still, snap snap, the husband wasn’t going to like these pictures, still his wife would.
All was going well, until, an explosion, well it was an explosion, but the sound was sort of a bang/woof sort of sound, hard to write it, but how, and wow.
Then you look up, and coming at you, like something out if a Disnet film is a pig.
Poor bloody pig, what it must have thought when it saw a man in a trench coat sitting in a tree with a camera no one will ever know, but I am sure the pig was thinking WTF is he doing where I am going to land?
Now, as for me, well, being that I was comfortable, I was able to think a little quicker, I ducked.
The pig went by, breaking a few branches and landed, with a bit of a splash and a thud, and a squeal, and then it became bacon.
Poor blood pig, good bloody bacon, oh wait you should always make sure to cook your pork properly so not bloody, just good bacon.
Now, really I shouldn’t need to tell you much of the who and why and how, because if you are the smart reader that I know you are, you would have put it all together, because that is what good readers do.
So here are the boring details.
I had been asked by the Girlfriend of this guy to do a little snooping, as she thought he was messing around, and well the fact he was married and she didn’t know was a surprise, but still don’t drip feed the information to the client because things change, and what the guy didn’t know was that his wife was messing around so all in all everyone was getting some on the side of some, so that is the life right?
Now, this farm tends to be the little hide way for those who want to get it wet or get wet, and has some of the kinkiest toys, and I am often here, so often that I figure I could claim this tree as a dependent because I sure enough water it enough.
Still, that being said, I was here, as I often am, if you hadn’t gathered that from what I just said.
This farm is simple and not overly well looked after but does produce some stuff that many people like, but I am guessing that the sty that the pigs keep, or that the pigs are kept in had a bit of a problem.
As I said, we all know the details, lots of shit, and a little extra and gas builds up, now generally gas needs a spark, and we have all yet to figure out what caused that spark but I think I have an idea.
There is tail, and one that curls, that this place is used by t he mob for disposal, of the human kind, so at a guess, and well more than a guess as I did find a Bic lighter in the pigs ass, that the pig was doing what pigs do, and as it was trying to pass what it couldn’t, the Bic did its thing, and when click, can you imagine that?
You couldn’t make it up if you tried really? Yes, the pig was shitting fire, and well, the extra gas was enough, well it must have been otherwise I wouldn’t have all this pork in my freezer.
Now, people eat road kill all the time, I mean its rude not to, you knock over a deer, what you going to do?
What the hell do I call this?
By the way, the pink whip, wasn’t being used as a whip, you ain’t seen nothing like these pictures.